Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Randomize
