remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
