About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."