ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.