Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.