And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.