How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW