Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run