apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷