I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.