His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
