I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
