Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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