It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
