Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
