haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
