Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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