last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
