I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
