Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
