Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize