im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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