if i died would you start the facebook group?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
