We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
