theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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