I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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