onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize