I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
