I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
