i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
