Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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