He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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