Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
