I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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