he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
