Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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