I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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