My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Swine flu is the new snow day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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