Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
