return my video game
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
