So drunk its hurt
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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