I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
