they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
