70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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