okay pat passed out under dana's car
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
