this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
