I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
did i just pee glitter
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize