I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
