I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
