I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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