I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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