You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
