Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
