dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
