We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
