were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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