I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
