he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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