How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
