I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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