Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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