we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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