the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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