In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
