I'm jealous of your bromance
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
