My friends, they love my intelligence
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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