so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
