I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
