How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
