She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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