mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
