I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
