I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
