Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
